My Serenity Prayer and other random Jazzy thoughts
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference — Reinhold Niebuhr
In the beginning, God created Sade Adu, Adam and Eve
I first came across Sade Adu’s music in 2010 one fateful; morning. My mum and I had just returned from her gym and we had turned on the television. There she was in all beauty and glory; my true queen. “Sweetest Taboo” was on tv that morning. That began my unending journey into the beautiful world of Jazz music. Sade’s music blended jazz, bossa nova, soul, and some of the swollen negative space of dub into a sleek and buoyant composite. Inasmuch as anything that scans as “modern” is just an effectively redesigned past, Sade’s sound is streamlined and modern. Her music has been my companion in the darkest of days and brightest of hours. The sound of her voice will continue to bring joy to my soul forever.
Cork , Jazz and I
I had just began my master’s thesis in October 2017 when I woke up one fateful morning to a very pleasant email. It changed the direction of my life forever. That email would turn out to be one of the best things I had read in the past 18 years (I would assume i couldn’t read before then). I was studying for a master’s degree in Cyber Security at the University of York in England. That morning, I had woken up to an email congratulating me and informing me I had gotten a job with one of Ireland’s biggest Cyber Security firms. To be honest, I had no idea how to feel so I simply went back to bed. I called my dad and my brother Tolu Oladele, texted my sisters and got some sort of confidence bestowed upon my self-worth. Three months after, I took a one way flight from Manchester to Cork Ireland, the beginning of a new life.
Dear old city by the Lee
What I would not give to be
Rolling home by your sunny hills and dales
Listening to the merry chimes
As we did in days gone by
When our hearts were full of liberty.
I flew into Cork in September. The next weekend was the Cork Jazz festival. What else could I have asked for, considering how much I adore jazz music and my whiskeys. Spent a good load of my money that year attending several jazz musicals and reflecting on life. This year was no different! I just spent the last weekend attending several Jazz musicals, many alone and a number with my friend Oribi. Good jazz was played for free in Cork and even better when you paid.
Jazz music brightens my soul; sends me into this space of deep thought and reflection. All the time! This year’s Jazz festival was no different. It was another time of soul searching for me; digging into the most hidden and parts of my thoughts.
On Joy, sadness and the uncertainty thereof
I had come to a conclusion long ago that full happiness does not exist by itself and in its entirety. I have also come to the conclusion that human beings can only have a few happy moments here and there and that’s it. That’s all there is to have. Sometimes I go to the bar with the few friends I have. Some other times, I go by myself. I am usually so eager to see happiness in the face of other people. So much joy and freedom a feeling I wish I could also experience. Maybe I am content seeing them happy or maybe that’s what brings me comfort. Or could they all be bluffing? After all, nobody ever really figures this whole concept of life out. Everyone simply bluffs through it all. I know I am not a sad fella, hell no I am not but the concept of what constitutes joy and happiness is slowly becoming strange to me. Or am I simply waking up to the reality of what life really is? Sometimes I feel like I have absolutely no right to complain! Hell no! I have enjoyed some good privileges of life; gone to the best of schools and to be fair had it better than a whole lot of people. Sometimes, I feel I too guilty to complain or maybe I shouldn’t? I wouldn’t really know now would I? Could those enjoying their moment at the Crane Lane dancing with strangers, drinking beer and living in the moment simply also be bluffing? Do they go back to face their own demons behind public view? I wouldn’t know.
I feel like happiness is usually temporary. Once you have the thing you thought would make you happy it is only a matter of time before you become bored with it, or set your sights on something else. The happiest times in my life have been the times I’ve been pursuing my goal. The struggle to get there so to speak.
I believe happiness is an inside job. Like most of us I spent a lot of time and effort trying to make myself happy with money, people, stuff, prestige, property, etc. The trouble with this is that none of it lasts. It either breaks down or we lose interest in it so we have to go find something new. We just end up chasing our own tails and get frustrated, depressed or angry. We fool ourselves by thinking “this time it will be different.” It never is. So long as we make our peace or mind dependent on anything or anyone we are bound to be disappointed. I have come to a conclusion that contentment is an inside job and no one can do it for me. I am responsible for my own peace of mind and no one else. Money, property and prestige won’t make me happy. I’ve had that too. Like everything else it gets old.
I wouldn’t trade my life today with anyone. I don’t have a lot of money, stuff or friends (though I do have a lot of people I care for and about). I think I have just enough for the moment .
Living a day at a time
There are a lot of things I wish were different in my life. A whole lot but to be honest, life has been fair to me. I wake up acknowledging this most times. I have enjoyed privileges many could only fantasise about but sometimes, just sometimes I ask myself if I am wrong about my conclusion about happiness. What If I am just unhappy and in denial? Or maybe not. After all, there are different definitions of sadness to different people.
I live a very simple life, have my friends for dinner at mine once in a while, go to a jazz bar and listen to some good music, try to grow my career but I know I know deep down I want more, what the definition of “more” is? That I currently have no answer to but one thing I know and I try to live my life by is the serenity prayer; living a day at a time and hoping to find meaning at some point. Taking the achievements as they come and accepting my failures as a learning curve.
