Farewell Christy! Good Bye Mother!
Last night, I could not sleep. I did not fall asleep, not even for a split second. My day was not in any way different from the Sunday before, or even the day before. I had been at home all day, went for a walk with my friend Grace, and branched into church to receive holy communion. Absolutely nothing different. When I got home, I decided to interest myself with some pizza and burger which I had spent a few hours preparing myself. However, for some strange reason, I had lost my apatite just as fast as I craved the meal. Here I am at 1pm on Monday afternoon, I still haven't had a drop of sleep.
All through the night, the memories of my late mother Christy, kept flashing through my head. The realization that she is indeed gone hit me like a storm All I could think about was Christy.
I’m only lucky today is a bank holiday as my body is totally weak both from my lack of sleep and the emotional gymnastics I went through over the entire night.
Wild and Scary are the only words that can describe how a person will be in your life for so long and out of nowhere, boom! They cease to exist! Never to be seen or heard from again. Gone!
I obviously could not sleep so I left my house at 2:30am, went on a two hour walk in the cold winter, came home, tried to read a book to no avail. I finally gave up, chuckled at random memories, wept bitterly at some, laughed out loud at others. It was sad and inspiring at the same time.
I think when we lose the people we love, people like Christy, we never actually fully recover. At best, we learn to come to terms with and live with their absence. We try to listen to them and keep them alive through whatever memories we have. Making our imaginations go wild in situations they would usually come in handy. “What would Christy have done in this case?”.
After 5 years, I have come to an acceptance that the pain will always linger, somewhere in my heart. A pain I will forever hold close to my heart, cherish and brood over in moments of solitude.
One undeniable fact is that my mother Christy gave her all for me and my siblings and as far as I am alive, I’ll do the same for my wife and children if the time ever comes. She loved with all her heart. Maybe that’s one thing I also learnt from you. When I love, I love with all my heart but I have learnt to guard my feelings jealously and let go very carefully just as you did.
I love you mama, and I miss you dearly. Just last night, I finally accepted that you are gone. I wept bitterly and laughed childishly. It has taken me 5 years to come to terms with your demise. My consolation will always be that you loved your close friends dearly and lived a bold and good life. You were an unrepentant feminist who believed in equal rights for all genders and a lover of Christ. You stood firmly for whatever you believed in regardless of who was in your way. I hope an afterlife exists, so we can see again.
To my mother’s friend Mrs. Judith Parkinson, I love you. I genuinely cannot think of a single day where my mother’s memories came to mind without one random memory involving your friendship. Having each other’s backs. And you stood by her side till the coffin was closed. I’ll never forget.
To my good old man Victor, my wonderful father, what can I say. I know you loved my mother with all your heart. You always displayed it even till the very point of her death. I pray that God grants you peace in your simplicity. I pray God comforts you. To my 3 sisters, I love you all dearly, the few memories we shared growing up together, will always remain in my heart forever and I hope you all flourish in your respective ways.
I am glad and I am thankful to have experienced someone so magnificent as my mother Christy. Your drive to conquer was obviously passed down to me and I promise you, I will.
Goodbye mum! I hope we meet again someday. And if we don't, well, I’m only glad to have lived a life that had you in it at some point.
Requiem aeternam dona ei, Domine.
Et lux perpetua luceat ei.
Amen.
