A new Quarter; Random Thoughts from Isolation.

If our life is poured out in useless words, we will never hear anything, never become anything, and in the end, because we have said everything before we had anything to say, we shall be left speechless at the moment of our greatest decision.

An ode to the ones who have gone before

By ways remote and distant waters sped, Christy, to your sad grave-side had I come, that I may give the last gifts to the dead, and vainly purely with your body numb; since she who now bestows and now denies decided to take you from my eyes. However, these gifts, the heirlooms of past years, Are made sad things to grace your coffin shell. Take them, all drenched with a son’s tears and mother for all times hail and farewell. Of all loses I have experienced in my life, two stand out significantly. The news of their demise had brought so much pain to my heart. Christy’s death is one I have chosen to keep close to my heart and cherish forever. The events that occurred just before she gave up the breath still linger in my mind just like yesterday. Christy indeed lived a decent life and sometimes the memory of her death brings back to mind the unanswered question of why bad things happen to seemingly good people. However, when death calls, even monarchs must obey.

If empathy were a person, it would have been Tunrayo as we all fondly called her. Motunrayo Ibitolu lived a life full of compassion and love. A life quite uncommon for anyone within our age group. I had received news of her death with uncontrolled hot tears rolling down my eyes. The thought of never hearing that lovely and yet compassionate voice over the phone was one heavy one that was quite heavy to come to terms with. It wouldn’t be far fetched to say Tunrayo’s friendship made me want to live a better life. Not just myself but also all those who ever had an encounter with her in her during the short time she spent on earth.

Overall, I have chosen to believe death in itself is a mystery. One moment, we are creating beautiful memories with those we love, the next, they are no more. Does it make sense that the people we have grown so attached with and created these beautiful memories simply evolve into nothingness? One might be led to believe humans are a part of the universe and evolve into absolute nothingness after they die. Others believe death ushers you into a new world unknown; to either suffer forever or be happy forever; singing Hallelujah to a creator. To an intellectual mind, none of these make sense.

I choose to console myself with an intellectual thought of the universe existing in multiple phases. When after death, one evolves into another phase of higher complexity within the universe. After all, energy can never be created nor destroyed but can only be transferred from one form to another.

So to the dead, may your journeys continue and may you find value in your paths, whichever it finally is. You are loved and forever in our hearts.

Requiem aeternam dona eis, Domine. Et lux perpetua luceat eis.

Ire: For the ones who are here

I have chosen to believe life is only as beautiful as the friends one has. The shared memories one creates and the amazing moments of bonding. Those who are there for you when things are low when the grasses aren’t green. Of course, the concept of sharing a burden isn’t born of compulsion; we are all free beings. However, life is only worth it when you surround yourself with the people you love and those who care about you. On a trip from Belfast to Dublin a few months ago, I had a lengthy conversation with my brother Tunji (fondly called T.J) about my approach to answering the question “ of what essence is life?” TJ’s intellectual line of thought was quite similar however, way more elaborate to mine. Nothing! We are simple beings who are a part of the universe. We do not have any predefined purpose. We simply exist. I believe we define our purpose and be the best we can be. For me, I choose to live my life spreading love to ….. Sometimes, memories of childhood friendships randomly flash through my head. From the times in primary school where I had only Segun Babalola as a part of my life. Segun and I were two jolly friends who were bound together by our equally empty heads. We both performed very poorly in school. I am really glad Segun, just like myself also found his feet later in life. Israel who was the first person ever to stop me on the road when we first moved houses. Dude literally walked up to me and said “Hello, my name is Israel, what’s your name? Come into our house.” Israel is a star! My poor lonely self in a new neighbourhood got a new friend. Our families became good friends from there. Should we speak about my only friend for the most part of my stay at St. Francis College? Erioluwa Oke. Eri was there when I was breezing through school and getting into terrible trouble every year. Literally, no one, not even teachers could understand why the hell Eri and I were close friends. You know, in retrospect, I don’t either. Eri was the direct opposite of myself. I was the typical rebellious, stubborn student and he was the gentle guy who did well in classes and was loved by teachers. Eri was there regardless. I met Damilola Amiola during our final exams and it’s a shame I hadn’t met her 6 years before then.

I became a different person after secondary school. I found myself in my final year in college. I began intentionally defining an actual path for myself. Much thanks to the books that kept me company in the hostel. At the university, shared ideology, the universe and of course the pursuit for actual success brought many wonderful people my way. From my brother Tolulope to Tolani and my best friend Foyinsola, Aboderin TJ among countless friends I have made over the years. The friends I have made in Cork over the last two years and of course, my super amazing roommates. All of these people, making my breeze through life worth it. I made up my mind ages ago never to pass off an opportunity to make a new friend at any point in time. For me, life is only as interesting as the kind of people within it at any point in time. Those who bring forth sunshine on cloudy days. Therefore, to any of my friends reading this, I say Ire; peace be with you. You are loved and always on my mind.

London Stansted Airport- December 2018

My friend TJ Aboderin and I were sitting in the waiting area before boarding the London-Istanbul flight just past midnight. We had missed the flight earlier in the morning that day, thanks to absolutely no one but my good self who had overslept that morning. I was supposed to join TJ in London via the 5:30 am flight from Cork then, we both take the 10 am flight. However, I woke up at 6:30 am making that the very first time in my whole life that I had missed a flight. We had planned this holiday, months before and even booked business class flights. What a pain! I had booked 2 flights for Stansted-Istanbul that very morning. Half of the first day of our holiday was gone.

TJ and I sat just under the display board, we had already been through such a long day which I take absolutely 100% responsibility for. I randomly scrolled through twitter when I stumbled across a thread by Jack Dorsey. Jack had just returned from a 10 days meditation program in some Indian Monastery. Maybe it was the madness I ha gone through on that day or it was my friend TJ having a brief quiet moment, low key still angry at me for ruining the first day of her holiday, but I knew at that point that I was going to do this.

Isolation:

One of my biggest fears in life is breezing through without any impact whatsoever. Meeting angels like Tunrayo at such an early age influence your life. They make you want to be better every day. Sometimes when I sit by myself with a whiskey glass, the emptiness of my life flash before my eyes. The fact that even though I am aware, after death, we evolve into nothingness, I also believe that memories in the heart of your loved ones are illustrations from the book your soul is writing about you. I had just passed one of those though technical exams, I was empty. For my birthday that year, I had decided to spend 12 days in Isolation and total silence at a monastery. I had never done a minute of meditation in my life before this. I was alone in Hereford, just behind the forest of dean sitting silently meditating in silence for 12 days. During this period, I took some time to think deeply about the Universe, my role in it and the emptiness of life. Here are a few key points of my thoughts:

• The ability to remain equanimous in situations build your mind and make you better. Maintaining equanimity even in times of extreme happiness or pain makes you stronger. Equanimity is a state of psychological stability and composure which is undisturbed by experience of or exposure to emotions, pain, or other phenomena that may cause others to lose the balance of your mind. The virtue and value of equanimity is extolled and advocated by several ancient philosophies.
• My hypothesis of Nothingness. In my moment of silence and heart-searching, I allowed my mind to wander far and wide. I thought of several logical answers to the question of death. The big bang, the creation stories. I have concluded that maybe we just evolve into absolute nothingness after we die. If we do not evolve into nothingness, then the universe exists in phases. Maybe we evolve into a phase of higher significance. However, even that shouldn’t be the case since that means we do not ever end. We live forever; an endless loop. A bottomless pit. Not the best, especially since we didn’t choose to be made up. Maybe we evolve into absolute nothingness after we die. Maybe there is absolutely nothing. Now its okay to not agree with my hypothesis; after all, I cannot prove it till I am dead. But the point is, if there is nothing, then that’s okay. If we evolve and join in a superior phase, that’s okay too.
• There’s no value in breezing through life pointlessly. Now, it’s okay to do that if you choose. After all, we have already established that we are simply a part of the universe and there is no purpose in doing anything. REBEL! Speak and out and disobey wrong standing orders! BE A VOICE! Lead any change you want to see. There is nothing to lose that wouldn’t be lost at some point regardless. Therefore, for whatever cause you deem right, for whatever you stand for, REBEL! Speak out.
• Own less: One of the major things that I realized by stepping out of the usual buzz of life is how many pointless things I own. Needless possessions. Things that simply have weight and occupy space. Pointless matter. I took a drastic step recently and I would encourage you to do the same if you can. I gave out most things I own. Do not confuse this with a moral action of charity, no not in this case. I simply gave up most of my possessions to own less. My wardrobe, for instance, has been reduced to only 7 shirts, 4 pants, and 2 boots. Life becomes so much easier and lighter when you own less. I would make an attempt to live a minimalistic lifestyle.
• Share Happiness: For me, I hope my life radiates love, and I hope all beings find happiness. Regardless of how many people are on earth, its a lonely world. A simple hello that my friend Israel said to me as a kid years ago has brought forth over 15 years of a wonderful friendship. It’s a tough world with plenty of sadness. Speak to people and be kind.

In Conclusion

For me, I hope I find happiness at some point. My life is decent, compared to many people within my age bracket. Life has been fair to me and I acknowledge all the privileges I have enjoyed from time to time in my lifetime. Maybe it would all make sense to me at some point, maybe it wouldn’t, it really doesn’t matter. At the end of the day anyway, words don’t matter, just remember me. So to all those who make the stay beautiful, I say peace to you again. To those finding their foot, I send my love but overall, I hope you find something worth living for and may all beings be happy.